Turns Out…

I cannot tell you the last time I was so excited to flip the calendar over to a new month.

Although, I will be the first to tell you that I am not sure where all 31 days of May went.

This morning I sit here writing down my goals for the month of June with a pit in my stomach. Why? Because I fell short in May.

Last night I crawled into bed feeling beyond exhausted & defeated.

If I was to be honest, for the past few weeks I have battled the old K. The K that used to get so stressed + overwhelmed. That same K was the one that filled her mind with these thoughts:

*You still didn’t get that done, you’re worthless.
*Your house is a mess, why can’t you keep up on that?
*You are always behind, you’re never good enough.

Although, I have had times of internal struggles I can also say that it turns out the new K is so much stronger than the old version.

I used to push myself to a high level of perfection. I used to think I had to have it all together perfectly. Turns out, I’m not perfect nor do I have it all together perfectly!

Now, at the end of the day I have learned to give myself just a little grace. A little pat on my own back, I guess. Instead of crawling into bed like I did for years telling myself all the ways I failed; now I tell myself what I did accomplish. I also evaluate myself on whether I kept my priorities straight in a day; such as family always staying number one & self-care being at the top as well.

This morning I walked around my messy home & observed it all: the piles of laundry folded & just waiting to return to their drawers, the dishes in the sink, the ironing waiting, the dusting that has not been done in months, the carpets that desperately need some TLC, the windows that need to be washed that also draw attention to the landscaping that needs some work & the deck needs to be re-stained.

Don’t forget the piles & bins full of clothes to be sold or donated that have been sitting there since winter.

Oh….oops…the winter stuff is still out taking up space as well.

But, over time I have come to accept during this time of year, some things are just going to be messy. I no longer expect myself to be any form of perfect or even close to it. I wake up around 4:15 every weekday morning to work on my health physically & mentally before the rest of my day begins. I drop my girls off to school & head to work. After work the evenings are packed coaching their teams, not just a spectator. On so many nights, I’m typically trying to call on the village needed to raise kids as one kid needs to be in one town 20 minutes away from the other at overlapping times for various activities & well, I’m not that good on my own (ha ha ha…it most definitely takes a village)!

To be honest, when I walk in my door on the weeknights after 8:30, I could care less about the carpet, or the dust, or the windows. My only focus is getting my girls to bed as quickly as possible & figuring out the plan for the next day. Then, after my legs are killing me I sit down to check in on my incredible coaches & challengers followed up by any Little League work that I need to complete for my position on the committee or the Girls on the Run liaison responsibilities!

This morning as I sit here reflecting about the flipping of the calendar, I’m thankful. This morning I have out a fresh sheet of paper & I’m writing down my personal & business goals for this new start! But, I am also incredibly grateful for all 31 crazy days in May. I made it through the responsibilities each day carried & although I fell short on some goals my daughter’s achieved many of their goals & have been shining every day. For any mom, that is what matters the most.

In  my mind, I always try to end any thoughts with a positive one! So, let’s talk about what was amazing in May because clearly it was NOT my housekeeping or organization skills!

We got to celebrate J as she turned 11! I believe you always have a piece of your daughter’s birthday cake! Our Girls on the Run season ended with such a wonderful Celebration 5k! Every single one of our girls crushed their run & finished with such smiles & were bursting with pride! I loved every second that I could keep up with J (which I did until about the last .25)!

So here is to June! The month that school gets out for summer! I feel like I need a nice glass of wine in my hand to cheers that sentence!

What are you most excited about for a new month?

Until Next Time~