I get angry.
I have been accused of this often.
Tell me why is it wrong for women, specifically mothers, to take care of themselves?
Why am I judged as being selfish when I take the time to fill up my own dang cup? Why am I told I should have “mom guilt?”
Can you tell me what I am doing that is sending a poor message to my daughters? Can you tell me what I’m doing that is having a negative impact on the lives of those closest to me by being active, by reading personal development, by finding the time to be with others that lift me up?
Why does this world send a message that this is wrong? Why are we told that mothers need to take care of their family first & if, by chance, at the end of the day if there is anything left over inside of them, then they can take care of themselves. We all know at the end of the day, there is nothing left.
It’s such crap.
It’s a life I don’t want my daughters to live when they are grown women & possibly raising a family. I don’t want them to live with “mom guilt.” Just dumb.
I’m a woman. I’m a person. I’m a mom. A daughter. A sister. A partner. A friend. A coach.
But, I am here to tell you when I take care of the woman in me first I am a million times better at being a mom, a daughter, a sister, a partner, a friend, a coach, better at every role.
Have you ever been on an airplane? What do they tell you to do in an emergency? Do you put on your mask first or do you help the person sitting next to you first?
You put yours on first so that you CAN help take care of others.
Moms, this applies to life! Not just an airplane ride.
Taking the time away from the laundry or the cleaning or whatever else there might be is good for your soul. Go do something to fill up your cup so that when the time comes that you need to pour from it, there is something in there to pour!
No, this is not the way I have always lived my life. I once thought everyone needed to come first in my life. I was at the bottom of the list. All that did was tear me down, made me feel like I was constantly failing because nothing was ever caught up or “good enough.” I spent so many years not even knowing who I was. The only identity I gave myself was a mom. I never thought of myself as being a woman too. A woman with needs or desires or goals. I was simply not important. The part that really tore me down was that as I tried to hard to take care of everyone else & fill their cup, no one filled mine.
That is a life I will never return to.
My laundry pile can stay where it is at times & the dishes can sit in the sink for a few more hours. My notifications on my phone can be turned off. The vaccum does not have to run. I will continue to create the time in my life to meet friends for a glass of wine simply because it is good for my soul & it builds me up or allows me to release any stress or frustrations.
The girls & I will enjoy a “girl day” without stressing about what I should be doing or even what they should be!
I will walk down to my workout space every day or head out for a run knowing that I could be there finishing up my ironing. I know once I am done, I will have the energy & a clear mind to tackle whatever needs to be done.
I will curl up at night with my personal development book because my life has changed since making this a part of my every day. I read books to improve me, I read books that help me with my biggest insecurities, I read books that help me be a better mom, I read books that help me be a better health + fitness coach. Everyone around me benefits, not just me.
I will continue to explain & setting the example to my girls that everyone needs time to themselves to grow as a person, to do things they enjoy. There are times now where my J will look at me and say, “mom, you really need to go out for a run. You’re cranky.”
She sees it! She knows it! She can tell I need some time for me!
I live every day wanting to fill up everyone’s cup around me. As a health + fitness coach, it is my goal. If I do not take some time out of my days to fill up my own cup, I cannot achieve my goal to fill up yours.
I pray my daughters grow up to believing in taking time for themselves. I pray they do not fall into the trap of believing they have to be last on their list of priorities. I pray they take the time every day to grow & feel amazing.
My hope for you, mom, is that you let go of mom guilt & find a way to take care of you; to embrace the woman you are. Do you like to run? Great, train for a race. Do you like wine? Great, grab your bestie & go to the winery. Do you like to read? Great, hit up your library & grab some good reads. Do you like to watch sports? Great, do it. Do you like to scrapbook? Great, find a retreat.
Whatever it is that will allow you some time for just you that you enjoy, do it. At the end, you will feel refreshed, energetic, your heart & soul will feel filled again. “Mom guilt” is a thing I hope I never hear again. I hope it is something you never feel.
Take care of you. Put your mask on first. Fill your cup all the way to the top.
Until Next Time~
Krisha, you’ve got it right. I felt the anger you may sometimes feel. I have known the painful process of learning to be the only parent in the home. Old ideas and practices die hard, especially among those who were advantaged by the times we held Mom guilt, partner guilt. Criticism runs rampant. Living in balance may be one of the more difficult things one does, but I know you will keep at it. Well planned and executed, it is far easier than being everything to everyone but oneself. It is far more satisfying for you and your girls than filling the cups of others until your own is empty. You are exactly right!! It’s not only in the physical, but in the spiritual exercise of life, that you are training your girls to value themselves as individuals, to treat you as a person of value (as you do them), and to teach others how to treat them.