40.

When I read what I had wrote, tears stung my eyes. I could read what I had written, but I knew what was between the lines; what I was not saying.

This post is a little late this year, but the thoughts have been running in my mind for weeks.

All I wanted a year ago on my birthday was to learn how to thrive with CRPS; at the time I was barely surviving laying in bed just waiting and fearing tomorrow.

This weekend my hubby and I picked a random trail up north because my wish was for sunshine, fresh air & movement.

I have never been a fan of winter. Sure, when there is a fresh snowfall & I’m at home with no place to drive, you might catch me saying that it’s pretty outside; but even that is a stretch.

There is no color in winter; seems dull, boring & nothing has life.

As I walked on the trail covered in leaves, I felt the brisk wind from the bare trees on my face combined with the sunshine as I looked all around taking in every detail of nature.

As we approached the lakeshore at one point, I glanced through the empty branches of trees & could see the gorgeous blue water peeking through. I stopped to take in the view realizing that if it was the “pretty” time of year, I would not be able to see the water. The beautiful blue would have been covered by the full branches of green leaves.

Then I realized how much this related to life. I had a season for a few years. It was kind of ugly.

Every season has it’s own purpose. Perhaps when you are stripped down with empty & bare branches, that is when you can let yourself unravel, this is when you can see because nothing is hidden, you can dig deep & figure out who you are, what you want & how to live again.

I walked over two miles that day smiling. Did I feel CRPS, yes I did. But, I was in awe of nature, in awe of my own life & how content I am with every part of it; even CRPS.

CRPS has taught me more about life in three years than any other life event has taught me so far.

On my 39th birthday post, I said I wanted to figure out how to be a CRPS thriver & well, as I walked with a smile similar to a kid on Christmas morning I realized I was there. I am completely aware that there will be more hills to climb ahead, some I will be distracted and will not see coming but I do not worry about tomorrow. I am here. In this moment. Looking around in awe. Blessed. Beyond grateful for every day I am able to get up out of bed and that is something I will never lose sight of.

So, here we go 40s. I cannot wait to see what I might write about next year. I hope it looks a lot like this random shot my husband captured.

Until Next Time~