For the past two years I have felt very out of control of my body. So many things I did not have a choice on or moments where I was so consumed by my body that I did not have the strength to make choices I wanted to.
At the end of November I decided it was time to truly fight for my health again. I felt I was in a better place mentally than I had been for the past year.
So I found myself back at home at WW where I have been since my “baby” was two weeks old and she is now 10.5 years old.
Momentum is not the word I would use to describe my journey so far. I’m not even sure if you could even call it “slow & steady.”
I still have days where I struggle to make great choices because of symptoms of CRPS; I cannot always make dinner or days where I cannot prep to set myself up for success or days where my mornings are hell leading me to leave the house for the day with no food.
For the past month or so I have been aiming for a certain number of steps daily via my Fitbit. Many of my treadmill walks have taken more grit than you can imagine but despite my CRPS, I still believe my body was made to move & that simple 20-30 minutes on the treadmill does more for me mentally than I can explain.
From the day I signed back up I have faced recovering from surgery, surgery restrictions, the rollercoaster ride my DRG took me on, detoxing from prescription drugs & now finding out that a surgical revision is highly my next step.
But, day in & day out, I fought to focus on controlling what I actually could control. There is so much of my body that is out of my control, the widespread ways that CRPS affects your entire body is incredibly confusing.
I stuck with it & today I finally hit the first milestone of 5 pounds gone.
{From my scale at home this morning to my highest weight shortly after surgery, I am down right around 12 pounds.}
I was not going to share much about my journey (again) on WW publicly because the fear of failure or judgement. I have no idea how my body will respond to any of this journey & like I mentioned yesterday, life with this disease is completely unpredictable. Either way, I know I feel better taking care of myself the best way I am able to & for working to control what I’m able to.
I no longer care about being afraid to fail or the judgement that will come my way. I am sure there are people who will enjoy seeing me fall on my face. Guess what? I can save you the suspense, I will fall on my face. Guaranteed. But, just to save you what will come after that, I will get back. I always do.
Until Next Time~
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