I started this morning up before 5:30 excited for the end of the week to be here. I was feeling good! Yesterday I felt on the edge of a total mental breakdown; but I started today with a new perspective……but, sometimes things can take a tumble. Quite literally.
Quickly that list I run through my mind daily of the things I’m grateful for began.
There are certain daily things that are hard for me to do now with my CRPS. Sometimes those things are related to my medicines and other times, it is because of the disease. But, simple daily functions are not easy; things I once could do without even thinking or never realized what a blessing it was that I could do them. Life without a constant mental fog or inability to focus, life without feeling so exhausted simply by trying to push through.
You know, some people want to climb a mountain or run a marathon. However, right now for me, I just want to be able to go down the stairs like “normal.” Any kind of downward motion, walking down a hill or down steps, is incredibly difficult. Each foot touches each stair, there is no left foot on one step & the right foot on a different one. The mobility in my foot is not there; it simply cannot do it. Honestly, steps are my worse enemy that I have to face every day.
It has been my goal for months now to walk down these stairs without taking me minutes to reach the bottom; without having to really think about each move. 
This morning I posted an Instagram story saying “Happy Friday!” I went on to chat on how I used different eye shadow, I had in sassy earrings & a new top. I was feeling good, like today was a good day.
Within minutes, my day took a turn. More like a tumble.
I was taking my time going down our wooden steps when suddenly my bad foot locked up & got caught and down I went literally tumbling down at least seven steps. I do not mean I slid down them. I rolled, like a kid rolling down a hill…my face hitting them several times. I stopped once I hit the floor & my body was thrown into a plant that sits in the corner. My head nailed the pot to stop the roll.
Like I said, steps are my daily enemy. Today they took me down. Needless to say, for a while I think I will go back to scooting on my butt down them.
Luckily my new shirt I was so excited about in my Instagram story was from Walmart because it was ripped & now had blood spots.
My body hurts; my lip is fat, my mouth cut up inside. There is a massive bump on my forehead & cheek; a cut by my nose. My elbow has a deep gash on it, my shoulder looking like a good rug burn. My lower back is killing me as well as…..okay, everywhere else.
My foot, we are not even going to talk about my foot. We are going to try to focus on the rest of my body pain….or I may not move. 
Here is the deal: I spent time crying, in pain & in frustration. I was pissed at my body because I cannot move like I want to or like I once could. I hate how hard it is to do certain things, “easy things.”
But then, I became grateful that I could call into work (my brother & dad) to let them know I needed some extra time. I became grateful for the makeup vanity that my husband went & picked up for me to have in our room so I don’t have to stand to get ready. Sitting there to catch my breath & touch up my face was huge.
The third thing I was grateful for in this moment was a husband who quickly insisted that he could come right home to check on me. I told him I was fine a hundred times before he finally said okay. That man is always there for me in so many ways.
In changing my shirt, I realized today was the perfect day to pull out my new CRPS Warrior shirt. This disease has done so much to my body, changed my life in more ways than I can ever explain here on a blog, made my days a struggle but I just cannot let it win. I’ll keep working on my mobility in my foot, to make any downward motion smooth and possible. 
A tumble cannot keep me down & this disease will not stop me from living my best life.
Until Next Time~
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