It is Tuesday so some would call it “Transformation Tuesday.”
I looked in the mirror feeling incredibly confident in myself.
In that moment I realized the transformation I am the most proud of is the one on the inside.
The one you have to really look at me, you have to really see me, in order to see it.
Do not get me wrong…I also love my transformation on the outside. It motivates me on the days I want to give up. It inspires me on the days I am lacking. Not just for the look of it, but for the fact that the “now” is healthy & the “before” was far from being anywhere close to the healthy category.
But, on the inside, that transformation is the strong one. This is the one that never lets me quit.
In my “before” pictures, what you see is a woman who found no value in herself. She was weak. Her smiles were fake. She compared herself to others. She worked out only because others were. She had very little self-confidence & therefore, allowed others to determine if she was good enough or not.
In the “now” picture, stands a woman, confident in who she is & who she is becoming. She does not compare herself to anyone & the opinion others may have for her mean nothing to her.
She has traveled through some dark days recently & has had to pick herself back up more than once. She has stood on both feet with nothing to lean on as life turned into pieces & she fought to find the new pieces to begin again. She lost more people than she thought she would; found her hand empty often. But, through her own strength she truly found that being completely alone is a blessing compared to sitting in a room of people she cared about or sitting next to one & feeling incredibly alone.
She grew confident, daily, in herself. She became stronger. She began to believe in herself like she never had before.
Yes, she has failed. Yes, she is now divorced. Yes, mistakes have been made.
Has she grown? Has she learned? Does she still believe in the beauty of tomorrow? The answer is yes.
Now, she knows exactly who she is & is happy. She knows her own worth, she knows her own beauty, she knows change is nothing to be feared, she doesn’t compare her life to yours & she workouts out simply because she loves it.
Yes, I have days. Days that seem dark. Days that I struggle. Days I cannot hide tears. Days I am too tired to get up. Days the only thing I want to eat is pizza. Yes, I fail; yes, I fall flat on my face.
To be real you have to be authentic. I want to be real; I want to be authentic in this journey of mine.
Maybe I am just failing forward to success.
But, I am me & I’m confident in who I am. If you are one that can see my real transformation, you have to be able to see how real my smile is.
This is the me who believes in herself and in tomorrow. This is my transformation story & I cannot wait to see where my adventures will take me.
Until Next Time~
*krisha*
Krisha, I have "known" you online now for perhaps 7 years. It is refreshing to read your reflection on your challenges, struggles and especially your goals. I remember when your goal was to wear a two-piece bathing suit in public. You wear it well now. Not because of your flat stomach, although you have one; and your body is incredibly fit. No; it is because you measure yourself from the inside out now. It can be so hard to work through divorce. I do not say it is news to me. Recent blogs have told me that news would be coming. You are not alone anymore. You are building your foundation, even stronger than before. "I see you." You have a friend in me. You know how to find me. Godspeed, God's child.