Beat Down

Last night I crawled into bed after a very rough evening. A situation that beat me down; shattered my heart; made me question; made me feel “not good enough.”

Ever have this happen to you?

I pulled up the covers with tears running down my face. I tossed and turned all night long, finally deciding at 3 this morning that it was best to just get up and start the day.

I still am sitting here hours later; feeling torn. In fact, the girl with all the words, cannot even find the ones to describe it.

Here is what I am remembering this morning:

Life changes. People change. Some people bring out the worse in us or have a way to make us feel inferior.

We all make mistakes; daily. Day in, day out, we fail at something if we are trying at anything.

What I realized this morning is that certain things have to end. Certain chapters, certain relationship or friendships have to end. They cannot last forever.

Sometimes we have to put our own happiness at the top of our list; everyone deserves the chance to be truly happy.

I was reminded of how far I have grown. My weakness was winning for a period of time, I admit. I was beating myself up; believing I made wrong choices/decisions or that I’m failing my girls or that I’m a conceited woman. I began to think maybe I am not “good enough” or unworthy of real love or…..the list can continue for days.

I see now that I am strong enough & hold the power to not allow someone else to bring me down, make me feel “not good enough” or question who I am as a person.

I guess maybe it boils down to this: feel free to kick me down, but know that I will get back up. I won’t stay down.

Yes, I have moved forward from the past, the past failures & mistakes. I deserve happiness & love; I deserve a lifetime of laughs with those who truly know me & love me for that person; and you know what, I know I am worthy & that is not conceited that is self-confidence & self-love.

Chalk it all up to another lesson learned; another lesson in what I allow inside my head & my heart is ultimately my choice. I choose to only allow in the positive. I choose to move forward… I am not my past failures, mistakes, struggles or regrets. I am who I am today & who I will grow into tomorrow.

Until Next Time~