Somewhere….

It’s crazy. Here, in the dark, after the lights go out and the house is silent is where the words come to me. In the silence, alone, with nowhere to hide.

I do not know where it happened.

I do not know how or when.

But, I know I am here today feeling lost. Somewhere along the journey, I have gotten lost.

I look in the mirror and I want to throw something at the reflection. I don’t like what I see.

I don’t see that person I worked so hard to grow into. She is hiding behind anything she can. The confidence is gone. The smile she would shine on her face doesn’t show. Her personality once shining so bright now appears to be lacking.

I didn’t see it at first. But now, its all I see. Something in that mirror, something in that reflection is missing.

I lay here in the dark and realize that I am missing. Along my journey, I have stopped being true to me.

I have been making decisions based on what I thought I should do. I have been living with this pressure to be someone I’m not.

I don’t know the last time I made a decision for me or did what it was I truly wanted to do.

I used to wake up feeling inspired. Every day. Now, I feel like that feeling is gone and I’m just trying to live up to someone else’s standards or pressure to be someone I’m not. I’m so worried about being inspiring, that I forgot you must be inspired in order to be inspiring.

The beauty of finding yourself lost is that you can always find yourself again. Now that I see what is missing in the mirror, I have the chance to move forward in a direction that is true to me.

A direction that someday soon I will look back into that mirror and there will not be anything missing and what I will see looking back will be a woman just trying her best every day but staying true to herself to do that. 

Until Next Time~