This morning while so many were still sound asleep in bed I was lost in my own thoughts. I was lost in my own little world. It’s a great little world, people love me there! But for real, sometimes I am amazed at how lost I can find myself.
I think that is a common thing for people who feel so deeply….there is not much surface level with me.
Today was a cardio day on my workout calendar. Currently, on the cardio days I am running instead of doing the program workout. I’m not running every day, I’m not adding cardio on to the end of my strength training workouts. I am following the calendar designed for the program & I’m only working out one time a day which is less than 40 minutes.
As I saw it was cardio day, I got a little bit pumped up. I was excited as I wondered if I would be able to go further today.
I fired up the treadmill & began putting one foot in front of the other at my slow pace. Of course, it was not easy & I wanted to stop just a few minutes in to walk.
That was the moment I got lost. I got lost remembering that it was just a few years ago that I could not run a mile yet. I would lace up & head out to run my neighborhood always praying my neighbors would not be looking out their window to see me struggle. I would run to a mailbox just a little ahead & allow myself a walk break until a driveway ahead of me or a tree.
I started from a standstill & I took a single, small step forward. That step was terrifying.
I think a part of me is still terrified, or is terrified all over again. I think the fear actually stems from not wanting to suffer another heartbreak. I am afraid of starting & not being able to finish; I’m afraid that running will break my heart again.
The problem is that I fell in love with running a few years ago. Running gave me the gift of learning to love myself. Truly, it is your typical love/hate relationship. Some days I hate it, some days it makes me cry.
But, then there are those days where I get such a high that just lights me on fire. There are even those days where the tears are tears of pride & joy.
It’s a relationship I will never give up on because it always gives me what I need and so much more. It doesn’t just take from me.
At the end of the day, I know I will give it all I have to get back out there on the trails, on the roads, crossing the starting lines in hopes of crossing the finish lines.
I have always been told I did not have the body to be good at things. Growing up I was told didn’t have a “pitcher’s body.” I did not have the long legs, with the arms to match. I was short with tree trunks. In volleyball I was always told it wasn’t likely I would ever play the front row. Hello little Miss 5’4″ on a good day.
I took all of those comments over the years and replied back with a “watch me” attitude. I achieved those things because I worked harder. I made sure if others were giving 100% I gave more. I pushed harder and I believed that I could do anything I set my mind to doing.
Now, I will take my body at age 36 that has it’s issues & show my girls that when you do have to work through an injury or when someone tells you something might not come as easy for you, you do have a choice.
You can make the choice to work hard. You can make the choice to give it all you have. You can make the choice to let pure determination carry you as far as it can take you.
Every day we can take that step. Every day we can move from that standstill place where we might feel like it’s a mud trap that we cannot possibly lift our feet from & we can move forward.
It takes the first step, followed by another. If we trust that there is strength from every struggle; if we trust that in time the momentum will carry us even further; if we trust that we can do hard things we might just find ourselves accomplishing some pretty incredible feats.
This morning’s workout I did go further. 2.5 miles done and I fell in love all over again.
Until Next Time~
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