I am not sure if I shall say I am re-directing…
Re-defining?
Re-arranging?
Life does not seem to have a flow lately. Life does not seem to revolve around a clock, or the schedule in my mind I might draw up.
Time flies by and a million things each day do not get touched & our lives here revolve around the schedule of one.
We are in a state of adjustment with Laynee’s new routine, still. But, we are making the changes. She is nothing short of amazing….even when having to leave a birthday party this weekend to come home for at least an hour for her nighttime routine & then returning. Yes, I did get an “ugh, I don’t want to.” But, she vented her frustration for a second was all, & then in stride said “let’s get it done.”
It has been a long chunk of time daily & this mom has had to change up her routines, schedules, plans for the day. This week is the week we go back to Columbus to have the external tube removed & we will be able to begin her routine just in the evenings instead of twice a day. This will change our evenings greatly headed into the school year soon. A job I’m already focusing on tackling & evaluating the changes we will make to ensure I am doing the best I can for her!
I have had to do a lot of stop & breathe moments lately. I’m an “on the go” kinda girl & planning anything is difficult right now. I have had several moments where I have to sit right next to her & hold her hand during heavy cramping for an hour & forget about my laundry or the dishes in the sink. This gets followed by a state of exhaustion where I decide I will hit the de-wrinkle button on the dryer in the morning & the dishes in the sink will get washed later. This is completely not my nature!
Many times I have sat down & allowed excuses to creep in on life. I hate excuses; truly. So, I have down some digging, some praying, some writing, some something….making sure excuses are not controlling me or my life! I am human; I have days where I just want to be lazy & do nothing.
I have had to do some re-defining of my fitness & health goals & plans. You see when I first started my journey it was about a number. A number that I allowed to have control over me. Now, I continue because I feel good. Simple as that. I am a happier person when I take care of me.
A re-direction. Yes, a couple of months ago I had decided I was going to train for a full marathon again for this fall. I have been fighting with this. I love being in training for something! It takes my workouts to a whole new level for me, it allows me to fuel that super competitive side that I was born with in a way nothing else does.
But, I have had to be honest with myself. At first, I thought it was excuses I was allowing. But, I don’t think it is. I think as hard as it is for me to say “not this year” I think it is the only thing I can say. Training for a marathon takes so much out of you physically, mentally but even emotionally. I simply don’t have enough in me to give to it. There is not enough of “me” to go around right now.
I am easily at least three weeks behind the training schedule. After my injury from training & running the full last fall, I do not want to travel that road again. My body is not ready. I am not in the proper shape to accomplish the time goal I want for my next 26.2!
But, I love training! It makes me feel like *k* so I have been searching for the answer. I truly do love the half-marathon distance. So, I have set a new goal of trying to run at least three half-marathons in the next few months. In the big picture goal, the 26.2 goal is set for 2016 achieving the time goal I want as I spend the year preparing, training, building strength & speed to tackle it then.
This is a do-able goal for me. A goal that will keep this mama working towards her goals & ensuring she is taking care of herself as there is no one else to do that. But, this will also allow me to keep my focus on our new normal here in our home & adjusting us back into another school year smoothly.
So, today I pull out my planner & draw up my plan to accomplish my goal. If I don’t have a plan, it is only a dream, not a goal!
While I am in a mode of changes & re-defining, re-direction, re-arranging….
I am continuing on my quest of my “why.” So many chicken scratches are written here….why?
Stay tuned to this week as I try to define my new why as the last one I did was when I still wore a ring on my finger. Yes, life is a roller coaster ride & sometime we cannot see what it coming once we reach the top of the hill….
But, it is a beautiful ride & we must enjoy the ride.
Until Next Time~
*krisha*
I like re-define. It leaves room for imagination and new challenges rather than re-living the past. I don't know why I wrote this little blurb, Krisha. The words are just tripping off my fingertips. Maybe we will know later if they make any sense. Or maybe they are for me and not for you at all. Peace. Wellness. And for God's sake leave the darn dishes in the sink once in a while! Love you, Krisha! Lois