I couldn’t put my finger on it at first. But I am a person who often self-evaluates. I’m not afraid to acknowledge what I might be falling short on or what I need to work on. I am pretty much an open book at being a work in progress.
It hit me today when I stopped at my favorite local coffee shop on the way to the gymnastics gym. A full cup was looking at me. 
The problem? Guess what is not making the list lately?
Me.
I realized my cup was empty.
This was a punch in the gut because I am a huge believer in filling up your own cup so you can give to others. You cannot pour from an empty cup no matter how much you shake it or tip it completely upside down.
Why? How?
At the core, I know that for months I have been off my routine. The activities that used to fill my cup are no longer happening. I can’t lace up and turn on my tunes and be alone. I used to enjoy getting my nails done but decided this was an expense that needed to go. I can’t push myself in a workout past my comfort zone. I haven’t had a coffee date in ages, I love coffee dates. I haven’t had a girls night at the winery or a date night out.
If you can’t tell from above, my main love language is quality time.
Lately, I have been walking through my days living life mundane, not dreaming, not striving, not aiming to live each day with greatness. I realized yesterday that with my girls I was the “business mom” not a passionate, energetic mom.
It was the old me that was so busy with her list that the conversations we had were about schoolwork, upcoming weekly activities, cleaning bedrooms. We didn’t take a break to snuggle. We didn’t take a break to dance party.
I tried to make a list just now. Trying to find ways and when and how and where I can begin to pour into me again. To make sure my cup gets filled.
I strongly believe that happier people make healthier decisions, or at least for me, because I feel good about everything.
Self-care is a need for me.
Sometimes I get lost. Sometimes I forget I matter too, that I’m worth it. Sometimes I forget that I need to keep myself on the list mixed in with my mom duties, my job, my business, the laundry, the housework, the errands, the bill paying…..
Sometimes we choose the best version of ourselves and sometimes we choose a second rate version of ourselves. When I get left off the list, I’m a second rate version and everyone around me ends up short-changed.
I’m off balance. I know that finding a balance as a mom is difficult, especially when you are on your own in many of those duties. But, that doesn’t mean I won’t fight to find a better balance.
Today, I’m on the list. Tomorrow, I’m on the list.
Until Next Time~
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