I used to spend my days caring so much about what others thought about me. Did they think I looked okay today? Did they think I looked fat? Did I say something stupid? Do they like me?
The problem? I was never worried about if I liked me. Guess what? I didn’t like me. I spent my time only looking at all of my imperfections & my flaws.
That girl…that woman…would have never posted a “selfie” on social media. Hell, that woman hid behind everyone & everything in every picture ever taken. She had to be forced into a picture & then she hid. She hated it. Her smile was fake.
But, one day I took a look at my life & knew something had to change. I knew the way I was living, the way I saw myself, was not the future I wanted for my girls. I knew I was made for more than comparing myself up to ridiculous standards & hating on myself.
In order to change the future for my girls, I had to focus on me. I had to get real with myself, with my life, with my environment. I was at a kind of rock bottom place. It was a journey that was ugly. A journey where mistakes were made, tears were shed, words spoken. At times I found myself feeling like I was in the middle of the ocean with the shore out of site & too tired to continue the fight to keep my head above the water.
But, I didn’t give up. Guess what?
Today you will find a mom, a woman, here that loves herself. Loving herself includes every imperfection & flaw she has.
So, yes, you will see me post up a selfie today. Why? Because I don’t care if you find it self-centered or attention-seeking; whatever judgement you have of me means nothing to me. I am the mom who has zero pictures of her pregnant because she hated her body. I am the mom whose face you cannot see in hospital pictures with her brand new baby because she was hiding. I am the mom who hid away from vacation pictures, first day of school pictures, Christmas morning pictures.
I share. Every day I post pictures on social media because my “selfies” have helped others. Every day, behind the scenes, I receive messages from others thanking me. Yes, you read that right. Because I am willing to share my story, I am willing to be vulnerable, real & raw which is a very rare thing these days. I share my highlights, but I am also quick to share the times I fell flat on my face, I’m not afraid to share with you how imperfect I truly am. Putting my face on that post makes it real. It shows I’m real.
I have a passion & I was given the courage to share my story. Health & fitness has given me the gift to live my passion every day. My life is so much more fulfilled right now that it ever has been & I am not afraid to shout out that passion. I am not afraid to fail in front of every single follower I have because failing means I’m trying to do something; I’m living.
The reason I show up everyday, the reason I am willing to share my story is not for me. I don’t need to hear a good job from anyone; I have learned the best cheerleader you can have is yourself. I share because it has inspired others. I share because through my journey others have seen what is possible. I share because others have found the courage to take step one. I share because others have been willing to get up & move. I share because it shows you can have progress through imperfect steps.
So, please feel free to judge my “selfie” & feel free to judge what you think the meaning is behind it. But, those sweaty selfies & regular mom selfies have helped others change their life so I will continue because no one will ever stop me from living out my passion….
Or from loving myself, imperfections & all.
To leave you today, I will share this selfie. A selfie that captured a moment for me when I felt damn proud of who I have fought to become. A woman who no longer fears failure, she only fears sitting on the sidelines of her life watching it pass her by.
Until Next Time~
Speak Your Mind