Why?

I do not compete with anyone. Not you. Not her. Not him. I used to, but that was back when I was insecure. I no longer care if I am faster or slower than you, or her, or the slowest one in the race.

Now, I just want to be my own best version.

This past race weekend, Capital City River Run, has a very special place in my heart. Why? Because in September 2014 I traveled alone to this race, carb-loaded at a nice restaurant alone, sat in my hotel alone and arrived at my race alone. This period of my life was the loneliest time of my life & the biggest challenges I have ever faced.

I showed up there two years ago and through emotional and physical tears that day I completed 26.2 miles despite the 999 times I wanted to quit that day due to physical pain and the moments I had such self-doubt I never thought I could make it.

But, I did. I realized that day how strong I was and that even alone, I could do anything I set my mind too.

This weekend it was tugging at my heart that I was missing this race (only the half-marathon). On this race course, a new part of me was born. So, race day morning I decided I was just going to start. I was going to cross the starting line even if I didn’t get to the finish line. So, I put on my BioFreeze, some KT tape and did all my stretches from my physical therapy exercises. I wanted to be a part of that race day energy! 

I started in the very back of the pack. The very end. I ran through the crowd and as soon as we turned the first corner, I stopped and walked. I watched the others with me in the back and wondered their story. Some were all KT taped up just like me, you could tell others were nursing injuries but we were still trying.

It was then I realized how insane and rare us long distance runners really are.

It was truly such a beautiful morning that even if I walked it all I was so grateful for being there. The sun was on our face for almost all the run & I was dressed in black from head to toe & missing many of my typical race day essentials. But, I was smiling.

This course is one of the hardest I have run. One reason being that it is a smaller race, so at times you feel like you are out there alone with no one to use for motivation or inspiration. Spectators are not lined along the course cheering you on or showcasing the great signs for you to read & get a laugh from. This makes it hard. The course alone is not an easy one, it feels like inclines are non-stop.

The hardest part? The part I still have nightmares about? The wooden bridges. I cannot even tell you how many we ran across but so many! Two years ago it rained causing these bridges to be incredibly slippery which made the pain in my knee/leg that much harder to put one foot in front of the other that day!

There were times I stopped & did the stretches my PT told me to do when I feel the pain. I walked many, many steps of it but as I went I found that the longer strides I seemed to take walking actually felt worse on the muscles & tendons. So, I did a “wog” {walk + jog}. I took the smallest baby steps forward while keeping my feet as close to the ground as possible so there was no hard or heavy foot striking. I moved forward slowly but I didn’t care. Speed did not matter; only direction did. Eventually the final wooden bridge arrived to take me back across the river to the finish line & I ran. I ran because a couple of years ago I would have never been willing to put myself out there knowing my race pace would be so slow; I would have been embarrassed by what others thought. I pushed hard to the finish because five years ago I said “Never,” and “I wish,” when talking about completing a half-marathon.Today, I stand here completing SIX half-marathons. It was also my slowest, but that does not take anything away from it; I’m damn proud I crossed at 2:58. Today, in addition to my six half-marathons, I have completed two 25k races & one full marathon. I was not gifted as a runner, not even a little bit. But what I was gifted with was courage, determination, guts, hard work ethic & the drive to preserve no matter what jumps in my path. Those gifts will take me anywhere I ever want to go.

Until Next Time~