This blog post may not be for you. You probably do not care a little tiny bit about what I am about to write. That’s okay. Because I started writing here again for me. I write to remember, I write to heal, I write to grow, I write to solve, I write to celebrate.
If there is one thing I regret looking back from my first marathon it would be that I did not write. I don’t remember all the moments of pride. I don’t remember the days of physical pain. I don’t remember the days I stopped mid-run to have a complete breakdown. I don’t remember the moments I would finish a run & cry with pride. I don’t remember all the days I fell short of the goal but picked myself up to try again.
I don’t remember the moment my mindset shifted from “I don’t know if I can do this,” to “I can do this. I’m doing this.”
I want to remember. I want to remember where I am at this exact moment in time.
Let me tell you where I am in terms of my marathon training.
I feel as if I was dropped in the middle of a desert alone & I need to find my way. I need to figure out what direction, I need to figure out how. I have zero idea how to get to my destination & I know it is going to be one hell of a journey to get there.
This weekend my long run is supposed to be sixteen miles. The furthest I have ran since training began was ten miles & that was a month ago now. Since August 12, I have only ran a total of ten miles.
This morning I headed down to my treadmill to see what I could manage as yesterday I still had a bit of a cough, but my lungs felt clearer. As much as I hate the treadmill, I am seeing that I need to accept it. The other morning I ran outside in the dark with my headlamp & to be honest it was not relaxing or enjoyable. There were dogs going nuts at me because I’m sure they wondered what the heck I was, cars scared me; basically I felt paranoid the entire time.
I set my speed this morning very slow because I refuse to go too hard too fast & send myself backwards again with my health.
I could only go one incredibly slow mile before I had to stop & take a break. I felt as if it was the first mile I have ever ran in my life. My entire body felt out of shape. I eventually began again & as I reached mile two, I had to stop every few minutes & catch my breath.
So, here I am, in marathon training & feeling as if I am starting all the way at the beginning as a runner. At this point, I have no idea if I can complete the marathon & I have no idea how to train from here.
But, what I can tell you is that I am going to keep moving forward. If all I can run is one mile before I take a little walk break, then I will run one mile. I will work up to 1.5 miles & then 2 miles. 
I will have to work 10 times harder. I will have to be on point with every part of my nutrition. I will need to be on point with my sleep. Even stretching & core work will need to be on point.
But, I am not a quitter. Yes, there has been some serious stumbles on this journey, but I can either allow them to push me down & not get back up or I can get up & give it all I have. I have promised myself that if my body is truly not ready, then I will listen & be happy with a half-marathon.
So, day by day I will show up & see what I can do. I will work to get just a little bit further than what I did yesterday. I will simply be grateful that my body is even able to try.
Until Next Time~
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