Today I sit here another year older. Perhaps wiser too.
I can tell you that I spent well over half of my life so far with a critic living inside of me that hated me; that was so quick to point out my flaws and tore me down daily. I spent so many years turning to food like a drug; an addiction to bury what I should have been feeling or dealing with. I remember feeling powerless to my weight; as if I had zero control over it & could not change it. In reality, what I was powerless to was the words I allowed to run around in my head all day long.
I have been on a journey of self-love. I have spent hours all alone forcing myself to ask & answer the questions I needed to know. I took a long look at all of my shortcomings & my strengths. I went over my failures, my mistakes, the choices I made. I worked through forgiveness in a way that kept me up at night tossing and turning. Forgiving others & forgiving myself.
Somewhere along the road I came to accept *k* on the sunny days, on the gray days & even on the dark days. I realized I was not inadequate & was enough just the way I was. I matter, my thoughts are important, my words can be powerful & the person I am is beautiful. Everything I was looking for or everything I wanted to be was already inside but I was to blind to see it.
When I kicked my inside hateful critic out the door, I found a woman who was everything she wanted to be. Strong, confident, authentic, vulnerable, compassionate, kind, proud, enthusiastic, brave, sassy. A woman of faith. A woman who doesn’t just believe in magic, she wants to create it & a woman who lives for adventures. A woman who values herself and no longer allows anyone close that does not value her; one that embraces all those who love her for being exactly who she is & not who they want her to be.
A woman who wakes up early every morning to work on her & her own relationship. She makes the choice to give herself a gift daily; of love & health. The way I see it love & good health are two of the most beautiful gifts we can receive. She is not afraid to dream big & gives all she has to turn those dreams into goals. She will put herself out there daily even though she knows she might fail. But, failure to her is like magic; it’s proof she is living & she is trying like hell to live life fully & not going through the motions. She is someone who is determined to wake up every day & be the absolute best version of herself.
I recently had an experience where I found that somewhere along this journey I had come to love me. Just the way I am. Every day I hear others joke about growing older & dreading that new number. Not this one. I fully embrace my age of 35. Today I am the best version of Krisha there has ever been, physically, mentally & emotionally I am in tip top shape & I have goals that I will continue to grow into.
There were years that flew by where I didn’t think I needed to be celebrated & said my birthday was no big deal. I was not important & it was just another day on the calendar. But, I deserve it; we all do!So, now I celebrate me; I celebrate my birthday!
So I guess what I am trying to say is….somethings really do get better with age. I certainly have. Next year, I will be even better!
**pictures are from the wonderful Miranda Parker**
Until Next Time~
*krisha*
You've got it! Glad to see you are celebrating birthdays now, Krisha! 70 in January '16 for me and still celebrating! There is always a new page to turn, and always we can approach it with strength of character, wellness of mind. It is a choice you've made, and I applaud you!