Does taking a trip down memory lane make you feel joy? Happiness?
Or the opposite? Regret? Sadness? Disappointment?
Every day I check out my Timehop app. As a mom, I love to see these older moments in time with my girls.
However, on my fitness journey the last few weeks it has been a struggle.
Last week I officially am back to marathon training; my journey to another 26.2 has begun.
One morning last week when taking that daily trip back in time thanks to this little app, I saw the day a year ago where I almost ran a mile in under 8 minutes, missing it by just a few seconds.
The thought of running this fast again seems impossible.
Because I am always real in my journey, a look back to two years ago, oh my abs! I can’t see my abs like that right now.
These small daily trips down memory lane are actually derailing me. They are planting little seeds in my mind filled with negativity.
“There is no way I can get back to that level.”
“I will never have abs like that again.”
I have allowed them to have the power to grow; I have been watering those seeds.
I’m done.
The person I was the first time I trained & ran a marathon is not who I am today. I was an incredibly broken woman. Almost every run I took was filled with tears. At times I thought I was running to an answer or a solution. Other times I felt as if I was just running away from life.
Either way, at that point in time, I was running to try to release the pain, the anger, the sadness, the hurt I was feeling. On those long distance running days, at the end after miles with tears, miles being lost in my own world, when I would end I would feel EMPTY.
It became a need for me. To reach that point. To get to EMPTY.
Looking back, I see now what I was truly running for. I was running to make the physical pain overpower the emotional pain; so even for a brief moment in time I could forget the emotions & focus on real, true physical pain.
Today, I am not that same person. In the past two years, I have walked through many life changes & different struggles that needed all my attention and focus; some causing me to put my long distance running on hold.
But, I am not that woman who runs because she is broken anymore. I run for more now.
Taking that time to look back to the broken woman pushing herself to feel physical pain more than the strength of her emotional pain is no longer serving me. It’s time to forget her.
Yes, I ran a marathon before, but this time is different.
This time will be different. I am a new person; a new woman who might still have cracks but is no longer completely broken.
This marathon is about more. It’s about my new fresh start in life. It’s about overcoming my fears. It’s about being willing to put myself out there & try knowing I could fall flat on my face. It’s about living life my way free of limits. It’s about facing challenges head on with a smile on my face. It’s about seeing how strong I really am.
It’s about running for joy, for love, for strength, for comfort, for inspiration. It’s about running because I can. It’s about running to prove I can do hard things.
Every distance I run will be brand new to me. There will be no more comparison to the older version of myself. Every time I get faster, I’m faster! This journey is different. This journey is about more. This journey I will grow in ways I do not see yet & there will be no looking back.
Photo credit:http://www.erinmariephotographymi.com/
I will share it all along the way; every time I fall short, every time I fall to the ground & every time I finish the goal.
I am writing a brand new chapter now & I can promise each page will be worth telling. I am a woman who took a dream, turned it into a goal & now has a plan to achieve it.
Until Next Time~
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