Sometimes I am truly amazed at how messages are delivered to us in the exact moment we need to hear them.

This post was written in my head earlier & had I done it a few hours ago the entire tone of this message would have been entirely different from the tone it will have now.

Following a backwards progress picture this morning that forced me to  swallow the truth came a complete meltdown during my workout. It was not the morning I was hoping for.

So, first of all, we will start here. I cannot truly tell you the increase on the scale as I forgot to jump on it until after I had consumed my pre-workout, water during my workout & ate a banana! But, it’s up. The picture shows that & I could feel it this morning as I got up out of bed.

Honestly, it woke me up to the truth. I did not track this weekend but I felt as if I ate pretty darn well for me while camping! I mean, look at this food!

Sure I had a few s’mores {and beverages}…but for real, I don’t even put chocolate on my s’mores! The truth is that while I might have been eating foods that were good for me I was not measuring. The other truth is that for a camping trip I did do a hundred times better than most times camping when it came to my choices & the temptations I skipped over….BUT….typically, I would have run double-digit miles over the weekend. Those miles would have offset some of the extra calorie consumption.

But, I only ran one day and it was so freaking hard. My lungs were killing. The next day I had intentions of running but when I woke up my chest was not feeling good at all.

Okay, moving on to my meltdown this morning.

I jumped on the treadmill knowing that at this point in my training I am supposed to be running 8 miles today. I literally could not even push through a single mile this morning at a very slow pace on the treadmill.

I jumped off approximately three times & the third time I busted out in tears. Why? Because I have worked so damn hard to get to where I was. Mentally & physically. I had come so far & now I feel like this is day one of my fitness journey again. It is heartbreaking. To be honest, like 90 percent of people beginning a health + fitness journey, I simply feel like it is impossible to get to where I want to go.

I honestly sat there feeling so pissed off with such a horrible attitude searching for marathons to run in November in the states just south of me. I wanted to quit, I wanted to quit training completely, I honestly wanted to quit running & just give up.

Then, as I drove this morning from school to work, I turned on a podcast & it changed the tone of this post.

“The secret of success is learning how to use pain & pleasure instead of having pain & pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you.” – Tony Robbins.

Here is what my podcast reminded me of this morning:

There are two kinds of pain. Pain that poisons you & pain that propels you.

At first, I was allowing it to poison me. This is the one that makes you negative, turns you into a quitter, makes you beat yourself up over & over. This literally makes you suffer every day.

The pain that propels you is the one where you simply say, I’m not dead, this is not the end of the world. This is an experience that can propel me forward which will lead me to a better life.

The truth is that every moment in life is a neutral event that occurs. We are the ones that give it meaning.

So, I can give my moments this morning the following two meanings:

*This sucks. I can’t run. I can’t do this again. I should just give up & fail once again. I’m definitely not strong enough. My scale went up.

*This is not that big of a deal. You’ve been here before & came out stronger than ever. I’m thankful that I even have a body that can move, that my health is good enough to run. I’m going to keep fighting because I know I can. I’m so thankful I was given the courage to try.

This, my friends, is why I read or listen to personal development every single day. Because it is so easy to lose our focus & get caught up in the negativity. Because this simple eight minute podcast changed my entire day & my entire outlook of feeling like I’m back at day one.

So, here I am, maybe back at day one but I’m looking forward & will focus on the small baby steps that will move me forward day after day. That first step is not ever easy, but the courage to take it is a gift. I’ll gladly take it over & over if I have too because what you find at step two & on from there is pretty incredible & worth it every dang time.

Until Next Time~

This blog post may not be for you. You probably do not care a little tiny bit about what I am about to write. That’s okay. Because I started writing here again for me. I write to remember, I write to heal, I write to grow, I write to solve, I write to celebrate.

If there is one thing I regret looking back from my first marathon it would be that I did not write. I don’t remember all the moments of pride. I don’t remember the days of physical pain. I don’t remember the days I stopped mid-run to have a complete breakdown. I don’t remember the moments I would finish a run & cry with pride. I don’t remember all the days I fell short of the goal but picked myself up to try again.

I don’t remember the moment my mindset shifted from “I don’t know if I can do this,” to “I can do this. I’m doing this.”

I want to remember. I want to remember where I am at this exact moment in time.

Let me tell you where I am in terms of my marathon training.

I feel as if I was dropped in the middle of a desert alone & I need to find my way. I need to figure out what direction, I need to figure out how. I have zero idea how to get to my destination & I know it is going to be one hell of a journey to get there.

This weekend my long run is supposed to be sixteen miles. The furthest I have ran since training began was ten miles & that was a month ago now. Since August 12, I have only ran a total of ten miles.

This morning I headed down to my treadmill to see what I could manage as yesterday I still had a bit of a cough, but my lungs felt clearer. As much as I hate the treadmill, I am seeing that I need to accept it. The other morning I ran outside in the dark with my headlamp & to be honest it was not relaxing or enjoyable. There were dogs going nuts at me because I’m sure they wondered what the heck I was, cars scared me; basically I felt paranoid the entire time.

I set my speed this morning very slow because I refuse to go too hard too fast & send myself backwards again with my health.

I could only go one incredibly slow mile before I had to stop & take a break. I felt as if it was the first mile I have ever ran in my life. My entire body felt out of shape. I eventually began again & as I reached mile two, I had to stop every few minutes & catch my breath.

So, here I am, in marathon training & feeling as if I am starting all the way at the beginning as a runner. At this point, I have no idea if I can complete the marathon & I have no idea how to train from here.

But, what I can tell you is that I am going to keep moving forward. If all I can run is one mile before I take a little walk break, then I will run one mile. I will work up to 1.5 miles & then 2 miles.

I will have to work 10 times harder. I will have to be on point with every part of my nutrition. I will need to be on point with my sleep. Even stretching & core work will need to be on point.

But, I am not a quitter. Yes, there has been some serious stumbles on this journey, but I can either allow them to push me down & not get back up or I can get up & give it all I have. I have promised myself that if my body is truly not ready, then I will listen & be happy with a half-marathon.

So, day by day I will show up & see what I can do. I will work to get just a little bit further than what I did yesterday. I will simply be grateful that my body is even able to try.

Until Next Time~

Today I am going to use my Wednesday post to tell you about what the scale cannot tell you & what a picture may not show. But, it is as real of a transformation as ever.

Rewind to my past…I used to HATE exercise. I hated it. I did not want to do it. I would do it for two days & then stop. It was a constant cycle filled with anger & resentment towards it because I did not want to do it, I did not enjoy it, I did not have time for it.

I even thought as I stood there in my overweight body looking in the mirror that I didn’t even care anymore if I was unhealthy because I did not want to exercise.

I was a product of my environment. I was a product of the negativity I filled my mind with. I was a product of low self-esteem & a belief I was not worth the time or effort. I was  a product  of the belief that I should be last on the list of my priorities.

Can I share my breakdown with you that happened this week? Can I open up & be vulnerable again?

This week I have had three complete breakdowns. Moments where I have lost it & tears streamed down my face. Moments where all I really wanted to do was go curl up in my bed.

There are many things weighing heavy on my heart; heavy on my mind.

The look in my daughter’s eyes Monday evening when she said she did not want to have surgery again & the tears as she told me she does not believe anyone will be able to “fix her.” She is losing hope.

The stress of awaiting the dates I’ll be gone, the canceled business trip I had planned this month that I was so excited to attend & no longer can. Truly,  I can tell you that Laynee & I both get very homesick when we are that far away from Jacee, home & family.

The stress every day logging into my bank account & knowing the upcoming related travel & medical expenses & then the upcoming bills to follow.

The roller coaster ride of entrepreneurship; the moment you hit a low & need to just rely on that passion to help you fight through it until you are back uphill again. 

My lungs. I am still fighting this cough. I am still not healthy. I have a day where I think I’m better & then try to be active only to eventually realize I am not healthy & need to take another day or two off. Good health is truly such a gift.

The fear that I am supposed to be running a full marathon in 53 days & am completely untrained & a month behind my training plan at this point & have no idea how my body will feel once I am able to begin again.

So, in between all these moments of weakness, of breakdowns, of allowing my frustrations, stress & emotions out (as opposed to when I once would keep them locked up inside hoping they would just stay buried) I have finally came to a realization.

My mind, my body, my heart, my soul is missing something. It is craving those moments in time where I get to shut off the rest of the day’s problems or struggles. It is missing those times where I have a choice to give up or give it all I have & blow my own mind with my strength. Everything is missing my workouts.

Photo credit: Erin Marie Photography

So, if you feel hopeless I really want you to know that I once was a very lazy, overweight, negative, tired woman who hated exercise & really just wanted to sit on the couch watching TV while eating junk. Today, I am a woman who needs it, craves it & absolutely loves it. I do not workout every day because I want to be “skinny,” whatever the hell that even is.

But, I workout for my mental health. Because, when I am in my routine, I am a much happier & energetic mom, woman, friend, partner, co-worker. Everything & everyone benefits.

So, for now, I am going to be sitting over here doing whatever small amounts of activity I can until my lungs are clear again.

Oh, and in terms of W.I.W. my scale was the same as last week which I am totally cool with. I had a wonderful weekend of adventures with some of my most favorite people.

Until Next Time~

All it took was one phone call. That call made me feel hopeless; I felt defeated. As the conversation was coming to an end the tears were filling my eyes as I fought hard to cover the cracking in my voice.

As I hung up, I sat there and cried. Feeling frustrated, feeling scared, feeling like there would never be a good answer. I felt as if it would always be two steps forward & four steps back. It was just over a month ago I remember thinking that maybe we had it figured out, maybe this was the right mixture, maybe we found some relief for a bit. It seems as if as soon as I thought that, things started to go backwards again.

I knew looking at the x-ray it was not good. My untrained eye could see some red flags. But, once the doctor on the phone told  me their fears, I looked again & could see it.

As the hours went on, I fought to remain positive. I fought against the feeling of hopeless. I reminded myself how lucky, how blessed, we are with her health.

But, at the same time, would I be a normal mom if I wasn’t feeling the way I was? If I wasn’t feeling heartbroken for my girl? If I wasn’t feeling scared, defeated, nervous or stressed?

Laynee & I will be returning to our team at Nationwide soon. In November they went back in with a camera to find the reason she was going through hell every night with an intensity I cannot even explain that included tears, screams of pain & eventually vomiting for over two hours. It was at that time they found that at the point of resection of her colon (the point from initial surgery where they took out over a foot of her colon & reconnected it) had grown so narrow that it was literally smaller than the tip of my pinky.

At the time, they stretched it as much as they could but had to stop before reaching a normal width due to bleeding & a very high risk of perforation of the colon. They told me at the time we were essentially in “stand-by mode” & would just need to wait to see how her body reacts & what happens.

On Monday of this week, I e-mailed the team with some symptoms she has been experiencing at which point they needed an x-ray to assess a bit inside. From that picture along with her symptoms is what alarmed them to believe the colon has possibly shrunk again.

I was not ready for this. It has not even bought us a year yet. It hit me hard that it was time for this road again. So, we will return for a few more days & go back into the OR.

I would be telling you a complete lie if I told you I was feeling completely positive. I am trying hard, but at times I am struggling. On the one hand, I am thankful they are being proactive & not forcing my daughter to go back into hell every night before doing something. On the other hand, it will never be easy to send your child into the OR regardless of how many times you have done it.

Today, as I am still waiting (praying I hear today) for the scheduler to call me with our dates I am feeling some serious anxiety. I feel a bit as if the walls are crashing in on me as I think of what is ahead again & honestly as I think about the upcoming medical bills. We are still making payments on the last surgery trip there & now we start all the way back over with a new insurance year & a decrease in coverage.

I do know that I am incredibly blessed. Blessed by how healthy my daughters are; blessed with my own health. I am thankful every day that Bear’s issues are not life-threatening & once was told by someone that I act as if they are. I do not feel as if I do, but I will also not lie & hide the frustrations, the fear of what her future will be like, the stress of fitting her routine into our daily lives. It is not life-threatening but it is very much life-altering. Every parent wants the best for their children; a part of her body literally does not work & never will.

For now, I will sit here & wait for my phone to ring again. I will wait to find out the dates for our return. I will keep smiling & push the walls that feel like they are crashing in back up. I will continue to be thankful for my girls & their health. I will fight the anxiety I am feeling about returning & about what is ahead. Or, I will at least try my hardest.

Until Next Time

Well, here is another week gone by. This week provided me with so many ah-ha moments; almost like a slap across the face. But, more than one slap.

If you follow me on social media, you know I have been down for the count now for almost two weeks with a case of bronchitis & pneumonia. I have not been able to workout nor am I allowed for, at the very least, a few more days. Honestly, going up & down my stairs at home is hard work right now. My lungs struggle with just that simple daily activity. From head to toe my body is just exhausted & feels incredibly weak & catching my breath after a cough spell is a huge struggle.

I look in my planner daily & I see the mileage I am supposed to be running & here I am struggling to walk up a few stairs. I will admit I am incredibly nervous about my journey to another 26.2 & at this point, am unsure if I can be ready in time. At the time, I am making no decision & will continue on in my quest on a daily basis once cleared going simply one mile at a time.

This week brought me some frustrations clearly. Brought me moments of truly feeling defeated. Some that I will share about in the near future, but today is W.I.W. so that is what I am going to write about.

Over the course of the last week, I had some realizations. I found I was letting things get to me that I cannot control. Every day we worry or stress or want to shed tears about things that are simply out of our control.

I finally told myself I had one job; control the controllable. Control the things I CAN control. I cannot control the fact that I am unable to lace up & go complete a five-mile run; but I can control what I shove into my mouth!

So, I needed to re-evaluate my nutrition especially not being able to workout! I made the decision to truly go back to basics! Back to my lovely color coordinated containers & tracking it all! I was at that point where I think I was too comfortable & was not measuring in my containers or would only track a small percentage of the time.

Well….controlling the controllable: what I shove into my mouth; what I choose to fuel my body with has paid off.

I am down five pounds. This has reminded me greatly how crucial nutrition is; you cannot outwork a poor diet! In a way, being sick has opened my eyes to where I was falling short!

I am feeling like I am back on the right track again. Sometimes we need a wake-up call to see maybe we have fallen off; maybe some old habits have been creeping their way back in slowly.

This week, despite some new stress & emotions, I will focus on what I can control & accept that I cannot control everything. Those things out of my control, I will fight to keep my positive mindset & not let the negative one win; even though sometimes the negative way seems easier.

It’s just not how I want to live my life.

Until Next Time~

Today did not start out the way I intended it too.

I was really hoping I was going to awake feeling a million times (really I would have settled for a hundred times better) but that was not the case.

So, today, I do not actually have a WIW picture to show you but I can tell you about the rest of my progress, or lack thereof.

My scale was up. Yes, up. Why? Did I self-sabotage?

The truth is that I expected it to be up way more than it was. I had some splurges but they were pretty much planned right out! But, the combo of those splurge plus the other issues added up.

This weekend we had a mini getaway to northern Michigan. I have been looking forward to this trip for months & it was the first little trip for my boyfriend & I together. For at least the five days leading up to this trip, every morning & every night I could feel a cold brewing. I knew I was going to be hit with one & just wished for it to wait until after our trip.

Well, it sort of did. Sunday it hit me like a ton of bricks. My throat, my head, my lungs. My chest felt like I had eight bricks stacked up on top.

Then, yesterday my neck was really aching & early this morning I woke up with the worse neck pain ever & felt like I could not move. Therefore, messing with putting on my swimsuit this morning for a picture was just not going to happen!

Oh, and let’s not forget that last night while laying in bed feeling like I was trying to cough up a lung I was also curled up in a ball due to TOM cramps. Perfect timing, right? (If that’s TMI for you, I’m sorry but I promised I’d be real here!!)

So, my scale showed an increase of a pound & a half, but for real, I can carry five extra pounds of bloat leading up to that TOM so only 1.5 does not bother me a bit.

What is more important to me was how I felt Saturday when I put on this dress. I felt amazing, beautiful, confident.

What is more important to me was the memories that were created this weekend & the smiles & laughter shared.

I tracked my food every day but Saturday which was a goal of mine!

The part I am most disappointed about is that my run streak had to end. There was no way Sunday I could do it. I tried so hard to even put on my running gear but I knew that was the wrong choice. I needed to listen to my body; I needed to remember my priorities. My priority right now is my marathon, not a run streak.

I actually have not been able to workout since Saturday. I cannot tell you the last time I took a day off, let alone potentially four days off. Obviously, I want to be out running more than you can imagine but at the same time, my body has not allowed me to even attempt it.

So, this WIW has no picture, has a scale that jumped up, did not have many workouts & has my body full of aches & pains. But, at the same time, I can tell you that I am so very content with this. I am finally smart enough to listen to my body (trust me a few years ago I would not have & I would have ended up in a horrible spot) & am in tune with my body & it’s needs. For me, this is growth! Plus, I am feeling some serious momentum for next week’s WIW already!

Until Next Time~

I forced myself to lay in bed for over an hour. But, as I laid there I tossed and turned with the reality of my mind. I finally allowed myself to get up knowing I had words inside my head I needed to get out.

I have been battling it. I have been fighting it. I have been digging in deep but so far I have not made any progress and perhaps have gone even further backwards.

This post is not for you to give me words of affirmation. The only one that can change this perspective is me.

I am fighting, daily, the biggest self-doubt I have ever in my life. Every single day I want to quit my training. Every single day I hear the voice inside my head saying:

“You can’t do this.”
“You aren’t strong enough.”
“You’ll never make it.”
“You don’t have what it takes.”

Every single time I go out for a run I fight the urge to quit. I fight those words inside my head. There have been times I have called it quits short of the daily goal because I reach a point I have nothing left to fight with.

Do you know I struggle at times to call myself a marathoner? I feel as if I did not earn the title of “Marathoner” because I finished so slow, because I had to do so much run/walk intervals because of my knee.

Why? I finished the same 26.2 route every person did in that marathon but I struggle to give myself credit for it. I finished it in the absolute worst pain I have ever fought through (worse than child birth) and did not quit.

One night about 2 weeks ago as I was tossing and turning after a day where my run was so awful I finally got up out of bed and wrote the thoughts I was having.

They were thoughts like above and in addition the thought “is the only reason I finished the first one because it was a way to heal the pain I was in? Can I run a marathon happy?”

I don’t know. Sometimes I am not even sure why I signed up and committed to doing a full marathon again.

Maybe this was why I did. Maybe I knew there was a part of me inside that needs some work, some growth. Maybe because I thrive off doing difficult things. Maybe because I needed to prove to myself that I can carry the title of “Marathoner.”

So I guess every day I will continue to show up. For me. I will continue to fight through those thoughts until I’m empty. I will work on strengthening that piece of me that is my greatest weakness.

Because I am worth fighting for. I am worth working on in order to grow into the person that can cross that finish line.

Because for now, I cannot let the self-doubt win.

Until Next Time~

Well, my friends, we are back to Wednesday already!

This past week seemed incredibly crazy busy & I will admit the thoughts of going back to school soon for my girls is looming over my head.

I am so not ready for school yet!

Over the weekend, I finally sat down & drafted up my marathon training schedule. Honestly, up until this point I have been making it up as I go, even missing a few of my long runs on the weekend.

That stops now. I’m in it; my schedule is in my head, heart & my planner & I have every intention of showing up every dang day for it.

Nutrition is going to be huge from here on. My mileage is quickly increasing & fueling my body properly is going to become my number one!

This week I was not perfect. I had a few small indulgences. I also am realizing how much I need to get back to tracking my food so that is my goal this week!

Although there is always room for improvement, I can see from my pictures that changes are happening in the right direction. The scale tells a slightly different story being up 0.2 from last week but this is why I do not allow the scale to be my only source of feedback. Besides that, experiencing weight loss while marathon training is SUPER DIFFICULT! I know my body will change, I will lose inches, but the scale might not show progress. That is completely okay with me as I do not allow a number on a scale to have power over me like I once did.

So…I’ll let the pictures speak for my progress

*Please note as I could not find my swimsuit bottoms last week, these pictures are taken on 7/21 & again this morning. In the future they will be taken weekly this way (unless my bottoms disappear again!!!).

Are YOU ready to join me yet? I am looking for women to CRUSH August with me!

Until Next Time~

Once upon a time, I was the QUEEN of measuring sticks. I carried one every single place I went. There was always one in my reach.

I would pull it out & measure myself up to everyone & everything. It did not matter what I was measuring against, I always fell short.

Never good enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough, not fast enough. Clothes weren’t good enough. My shoes not stylish enough.

One day, I finally realized what I was doing to myself. I realized I was looking at everything so wrong. I realized it was time to burn up my measuring stick.

Unfortunately, sometimes our old habits tend to fight their way back inside randomly.

Last week I was out running. I was doing just a simple two miles.I looked down at my watch at one point in time & realized I was close to running the fastest two miles in a while.

No, not my fastest two miles ever. But, faster than I had recently.

I felt proud in that moment. I felt as if my hard work was paying off. I felt as if I was making progress. I felt as if fighting through Insanity Max 30 was worth the fight!

I pushed hard to finish & I looked to see, in fact, it was faster than normal. I was excited to share that fact & I had a post written in my mind.

But, then…

I pulled out the measuring stick, “for real, you’re not fast. They just ran a 5k this weekend with a much faster pace than you just ran two in.”

I went from being excited & feeling stronger to completely knocking myself back down to the ground. Why?

To compare myself against others is not living by my motto of “just do you.” To measure myself against others is not accepting myself. To measure myself up against others takes all the joy out of life.

I cannot measure up against you. You’re you; I’m me. I have learned that all I can do every day is show up, live life with my passions out loud, use the tools & the body I was given & work hard towards my own goals.

You see, from a running point, I’m different. I wasn’t blessed with a runner’s body. I was blessed with my body & to compare it to yours would not be loving the one I was given. No, I’m not tall with long legs to cover so much ground with a single stride. No, I don’t weigh 120 pounds.

On a good day (& I mean REALLY good day) I stand 5’4″. If I ever weigh 120, I’m afraid my days here might be numbered because I was built solid. I have short legs that I refer to as my tree trunks; I once hated them & now I love them.

I broke my measuring stick. I don’t want it. Ever again.

Those two miles I ran at a pace of 9:53 for a total time of 19:51. Guess what? This morning I ran two miles & it took me 21:29. Yes, slower than last week’s two mile run. Guess what my pace was for my 10 mile run on Sunday? 10:52. I will tell you that some days I feel like I am truly a runner & other days I feel like I have never ran a mile in my life. Running is not something that comes naturally to me; I have to work at it.

I no longer care. I once feared judgement; I once was afraid that others would look at my pace & laugh at me. I feared they would measure me up to themselves or to others.

Please feel free. Because, you see, I am running my own race. I am running against the runner I was yesterday. I am running towards the runner & the woman I want to be.

You’re not in my race. I’m the only runner in it. So I guess, I’ll just do me & I am pretty damn proud of that. My measuring stick is broken & I have no intention of pulling it back out.

Until Next Time~

I am going all in. I am throwing myself fully into this.
I will put myself out there for all; even those who will judge & dish out negativity. This is my journey & no one can stop me from traveling it.

I am doing this for me. Because, I know I am not where I want to be & I know I have the power to change that. I am doing this for others; to show that no one is perfect, to show my struggles & my victories, to show that perseverance is key. If I give one person out there a small handful of hope, sharing will be worth the vulnerability I feel right now.

I returned home from my coaching conference with a serious fire inside to truly help my challengers & keep them completely accountable to their goals. I committed to giving my challengers the ultimate one-on-one accountability because I am fully passionate about helping them write the pages of their transformation story & this year, we will write some incredible ones together!

But, who was I going to be accountable to? Them + you = my story.

Every Wednesday (Weigh-in Wednesday), I have to share my progress with them in my group & I am going to share it here, with you.

Yes, even the weeks I traveled backwards or just completely fell flat on my face. This will not be the highlight reel of weight loss. Weight loss is hard. Being overweight is hard.

Yes, weight loss, because I am not where I want to be. No, it is not tied to a specific number on the scale but I cannot lie that currently it is higher than I once was; I have clothes in my closet I can wear but I do not LOVE how they fit me.

But, I have the power to change that. But, I also am committed to not looking back & wanting to look like a past version of me. There have been versions that got to a spot in a very unhealthy way. The main one was two years ago while training for a marathon & the start of my separation followed by my divorce. I did not eat. I drank wine. But, I did not eat. I did not feel like eating; it wasn’t because I was trying to get skinny; I just did not deal with the stress & the emotions in a positive or healthy way. I was in a dark & deep place.

So, moving on to creating the best me today.

Currently, I am in training for a marathon & am supplementing my running with Insanity Max 30, which I have fallen in love with.

I intended on taking all of my progress pictures in my swimsuit to truly share my progress but this morning I could not find the bottoms of my swimsuit. So, today you get this. The picture on the left was taken on July 21st as last week being out of town I did not take one. The one on the right was this morning.

You can see some changes. My scale reflects a loss of 3.9 from 7/21 to today. That includes a 5 day trip to Nashville where I did indulge a little here and there.

Here comes the scary part. I put on this swimsuit recently & wanted to cry; actually these pictures were also taken on 7/21. It’s possible I did, in fact, cry. I realized how much I had been “off” or how much I had been struggling. Maybe it was just not being fully honest with myself.

I don’t really care, honestly. Because I am changing it. I will show you every week that this picture here, below, is changing. I am done standing still; I am here to make progress. I’m here to get back to where I want to be. I am putting my health at the top of my list & in a swimsuit, I cannot hide.

Until Next Time~