Another side road in my journey has arrived. Another stop sign has me at a complete halt.  I’m sitting here thinking that the feeling I had in my gut last weekend during my half-marathon might have been right.

I can tell you this picture here is just before crossing the finish line. I cannot share the word coming out of my mouth in this moment in time….but I can tell you it was not a good one & it was repeated over & over. This moment, I had to give it all I had to cross the line; in this moment I was done physically, mentally & definitely emotionally.

Last week my physical therapist recommended I get a second opinion on my leg, another set of eyes on me, since I still had yet to experience much relief. At this point, besides my race, I had really rested it for almost 2.5 months & had experienced really no progress.

Upon my exam with x-rays taken, the new doctor thought there was a potential spot that might have a stress fracture so I’m awaiting the appointment for an MRI at this moment. He also discussed the possibly of testing me for something called Compartment Syndrome which does not sound like anything I want to try to tackle. This is a condition where essentially your muscles do not have room to expand during exercise & the pressure can restrict blood flow. This can obviously cause some serious issues throughout your entire body.

I stood in the shower this weekend thinking back & realizing how long this has been an issue. I remember in May running a 5k with my daughter & thinking my calf was going to explode. I blamed the need for new running shoes & I continued to blame my shoes for months. I blamed a lack of stretching & flexibility & tried to work on these things.

You see, sometimes it just felt like a really tight muscle. But, as the time has flown by, it now is clearly beyond that. The pain has increased, I can no longer do much with my leg before the pain kicks in, at times it feels like it’s on fire, & by the end of the day now this mom is done & wants her leg up. This weekend as night time would approach, my girls were even growing concern for me as they could see mom was struggling.

I will admit sitting in the doctor’s office last week I had tears & as I got into my car I was crying. I was upset, heartbroken, disappointed knowing I cannot do anything with my lower body for who knows how long. I felt this way because it is a part of me. It’s the same concept when an athlete becomes sidelined. I love, I thrive off, my active lifestyle.

But, I quickly changed my tune. I made the choice right there that I was not going to focus on the negatives. I was not going to focus on what I cannot do or what I cannot control in my body.

I decided I would focus on the positives & what I can do. I would focus on what I could control & show up every day doing just that. I can work my arms & abs. As of right now, I am not able to do anything lower body. At first, he gave me a few options but when I told him I had done them recently & the pain kicked in quickly I was advised against doing them.

So what is my plan? I had a big goal I was working towards by the end of 2016; to lose 15 pounds. I was just getting started on a round of 21 Day Fix Extreme with a few of my coaches so this is still my plan. I can do three workouts from this program: Pilates, Upper Fix & Abs. My plan is to rotate between those three for now.

Where will the magic come from? Nutrition. I know that the calorie burn I will be getting is no where close to what I am used to burning.

Yes I know at times I am going to miss my workouts that have me dripping in sweat with every muscles shaking. But, I can still do something & for that I am grateful.

Until Next Time~

Rewind to just a month ago when I was feeling down & out…not like me. I was starting to slip back into the old me, the woman who looked in the mirror & tore herself apart.

Yes, I have been sidelined since August between being sick followed by an injury. I was out of my routine, I was slipping backwards faster than I ever imagined I could.

Something needed to change. I needed to get back to my way of life, which yes, involves a daily sweat. I am here to be your proof that endorphins do so much for your mental & emotional health.

I decided to take on the 21 Day Fix. When I began, I was a true beginner. It had been so long since I had been able to do a heart-pumping, body shaking, sweat dripping workout that truly, I was out of shape. Completely. Not only was my endurance at the bottom, but I had lost so much physical strength as well.

I told myself what I tell so many: there is a modifier for a reason. We don’t all start out being able to complete all the sets or able to do each move fully.

But, I took that step. I committed to the program & I began.

I look back now & realize how far I came in just 21 days. At the beginning, I struggled to make it through my thirty minute workouts, even with doing the modifications. But, at the end, I was thriving through my workouts! Some moves were still the modification due to my injury, but the modifications no longer came from lack of endurance or strength.

More importantly, however, I returned to the basics of nutrition. I was stuck in that mindset that I knew what a portion size was, I knew what I was eating every day so I didn’t need to track.

Sometimes, we need a tune up, just like the car we drive down the road. I used my containers to measure, I tracked my containers, I tried new foods & recipes. Guess what? I feel incredible & back on track with the way I fuel my body.

I can admit that I was scared. Scared to start….again. A part of me felt hopeless & wondered why I just don’t give up on this journey. That first step, that first day hitting play, a part of me said there was no point.

I am so thankful that I did not listen & found the courage to pull myself back up on the wagon & begin again. In 21 days, I returned back to feeling like ME! The me who loves & embraces her body for every flaw, weakness & imperfection it wears. My daily dose of endorphins gives me the mental & emotional clarity that is necessary for me.

I am back to me; back to my quest. I have the first 21 days under my belt & am ready to tackle the next 21.

Until Next Time~

When Lisa Leake from 100 Days of Real Foods posted looking for ambassadors for her new cookbook, I jumped at the chance to fill out the application.

If you follow me on my Facebook page, Krisha’s Quest, you know that in the past few weeks I have made great strides in my home with truly clean eating. Although, we have always been fairly healthy, there were things I did allow.

My inspiration stems from hoping it gives light to a few struggles lately with Laynee’s health & medical issues, but really, I have wanted to do this for so long & have allowed excuses to win.

When the new cookbook arrived, “Fast & Fabulous” I was so excited to open it up & read! I am here to tell you there are some incredible recipes in here! They range from family meals to many different lunch box options, not just for kids, but for adults too!

Last night my girls needed a good bedtime snack. Honestly, most nights by the time we eat dinner, we do not need a bedtime snack! But, last night because of evening activities, we ate early!

I found it the perfect time to try this out: CINNAMON-GLAZED BANANAS.

This was not only mom-approved, but it was also kid-approved! Oh, and boyfriend-approved too….the little bit he got to try when he got home!

We simply put in some coconut oil, pure maple syrup, cinnamon & pure vanilla extract into a skillet over medium heat until it began bubbling. Then, we added in bananas & cooked for about 60 seconds stirring to coat. We enjoyed some plain & some over small scoops of vanilla ice cream.

This was incredibly easy & such a great snack. The girls are excited to try it with some apples soon too.  For the best price, be sure to preorder this new cookbook here—> Preorder Fast and Fabulous.

Until Next Time~

Last week I had to send the e-mail I had been dreading. Honestly, I did have tears. For a moment in time I thought this was just another sign that this was never going to happen for me. I believed it was time to give up.

“I need to drop my registration from the full marathon to the half, please.”

As I look ahead to next weekend, I could have two views.

I could choose to be bitter, I could choose to be negative. I could choose to give up on this goal for good. Heck, sometimes I fight the urge to give up on running all together because let’s be honest…sometimes it sucks & I hate it with a passion.

BUT….

I could choose to remember how blessed I am. I could choose to be grateful for the fact my body can move for any number of miles. I could choose to go out there with a smile & love every mile I travel. I could choose to look around at all the inspiring runners that will be passing me by as I walk.

Oh…don’t forget the signs. Reading the incredible signs the spectators are holding is always a treat!

So, despite that I am currently struggling to run even a half of a mile, I feel grateful. My physical therapist & I have switched gears a bit now that I have finally felt some relief. This morning I returned there for a fresh tape job to get me through the weekend as I continue to test out my limits. Currently, our goal has switched to getting me through my half-marathon next weekend & then we will move forward from there.

Next weekend I will step up to another starting line with that same pit in my stomach & the fear of not knowing what will happen. I will face that fear of not being able to make it to the finish line. I will face the fact I am only going half the distance of my actual goal.

Know what? Regardless of the distance I go, I will feel so grateful for being there. I will hold on to the fact that I am so blessed for a body that can move. I will cheer on with excitement for every runner that passes me and finishes before me.

After this race, I will keep running. No matter how many detours I have to take, no matter how many times I have to fight like hell to get back up, I have zero intention of giving up.

The life I live, the live I want to live, is a goal-oriented life. A life constantly in motion. A life that is full of fire + love. A life of constant growth.

A life that always seems to get reignited between a starting line & a finish line.

Until Next Time~

I used to spend my days caring so much about what others thought about me. Did they think I looked okay today? Did they think I looked fat? Did I say something stupid? Do they like me?

The problem? I was never worried about if I liked me. Guess what? I didn’t like me. I spent my time only looking at all of my imperfections & my flaws.

That girl…that woman…would have never posted a “selfie” on social media. Hell, that woman hid behind everyone & everything in every picture ever taken. She had to be forced into a picture & then she hid. She hated it. Her smile was fake.

But, one day I took a look at my life & knew something had to change. I knew the way I was living, the way I saw myself, was not the future I wanted for my girls. I knew I was made for more than comparing myself up to ridiculous standards & hating on myself.

In order to change the future for my girls, I had to focus on me. I had to get real with myself, with my life, with my environment. I was at a kind of rock bottom place. It was a journey that was ugly. A journey where mistakes were made, tears were shed, words spoken. At times I found myself feeling like I was in the middle of the ocean with the shore out of site & too tired to continue the fight to keep my head above the water.

But, I didn’t give up. Guess what?

Today you will find a mom, a woman, here that loves herself. Loving herself includes every imperfection & flaw she has.

So, yes, you will see me post up a selfie today. Why? Because I don’t care if you find it self-centered or attention-seeking; whatever judgement you have of me means nothing to me. I am the mom who has zero pictures of her pregnant because she hated her body. I am the mom whose face you cannot see in hospital pictures with her brand new baby because she was hiding. I am the mom who hid away from vacation pictures, first day of school pictures, Christmas morning pictures.

I share. Every day I post pictures on social media because my “selfies” have helped others. Every day, behind the scenes, I receive messages from others thanking me. Yes, you read that right. Because I am willing to share my story, I am willing to be vulnerable, real & raw which is a very rare thing these days. I share my highlights, but I am also quick to share the times I fell flat on my face, I’m not afraid to share with you how imperfect I truly am. Putting my face on that post makes it real. It shows I’m real.

I have a passion & I was given the courage to share my story. Health & fitness has given me the gift to live my passion every day. My life is so much more fulfilled right now that it ever has been & I am not afraid to shout out that passion. I am not afraid to fail in front of every single follower I have because failing means I’m trying to do something; I’m living.

The reason I show up everyday, the reason I am willing to share my story is not for me. I don’t need to hear a good job from anyone; I have learned the best cheerleader you can have is yourself. I share because it has inspired others. I share because through my journey others have seen what is possible. I share because others have found the courage to take step one. I share because others have been willing to get up & move. I share because it shows you can have progress through imperfect steps.

So, please feel free to judge my “selfie” & feel free to judge what you think the meaning is behind it. But, those sweaty selfies & regular mom selfies have helped others change their life so I will continue because no one will ever stop me from living out my passion….

Or from loving myself, imperfections & all.

To leave you today, I will share this selfie. A selfie that captured a moment for me when I felt damn proud of who I have fought to become. A woman who no longer fears failure, she only fears sitting on the sidelines of her life watching it pass her by.

Until Next Time~

So, I was actually shocked yesterday when I was called out for missing a Wednesday blog post to chat about how things are going!

Oops!

Well… here is where I’m at. I’m on a brand new journey.

This week I started over. I gave myself a brand new “starting weight” & everything.

I have spent so much time looking back. For the past two years I have looked back. I have looked back to how different life is. I have looked back to my journey & the success I have had & the times I failed. I have been looking back at the mistakes I have made in all the areas of my life.

I look around right now & my life is completely different than I ever imagined. Nothing around me looks the same but yet, I feel more me than I have ever been.

What I have learned is that when you’re in the middle of a storm, or hitting your own rock bottom, you learn a lot about yourself. You make a lot of mistakes but that happens there because in the dark, it’s hard to see.

A lot of my “rock bottom” or “storm” or {whatever you would like to call it} period in time, I hid from everyone. I have always been the strong, confident, determined, courageous one & I struggled to let anyone see me in any other way than that. I did not want to let others see my pain.

But, today, I stand here completely okay with those moments. Today, I am here & no longer hide. I am truly happy with who I am; happy with my life. Everything in life happens for a reason & I cannot say there is a page I would change.

This week I just felt like I needed a fresh start in my weight loss journey. A brand new beginning. A place to just start moving forward again & no more looking back & pointing out to myself how far I’ve traveled backwards.

I have no shame in starting over. I haven’t quit & to me, that is what counts. I get up every single day & try. But, over time I have allowed life changes & just life in general to creep up into my way.

So, here is to a new day one! A new journey that I will be sure to show you all along the way. I have started with the 21 Day Fix. In terms of the workouts, some modifications will be done because of my leg injury. Also, some modifying will be done because I cannot believe how much strength I lost in the almost two months I was sidelined. I truly feel like a beginner again and that’s okay.

Why? Because any beginning is exciting.

Until Next Time~

I do not compete with anyone. Not you. Not her. Not him. I used to, but that was back when I was insecure. I no longer care if I am faster or slower than you, or her, or the slowest one in the race.

Now, I just want to be my own best version.

This past race weekend, Capital City River Run, has a very special place in my heart. Why? Because in September 2014 I traveled alone to this race, carb-loaded at a nice restaurant alone, sat in my hotel alone and arrived at my race alone. This period of my life was the loneliest time of my life & the biggest challenges I have ever faced.

I showed up there two years ago and through emotional and physical tears that day I completed 26.2 miles despite the 999 times I wanted to quit that day due to physical pain and the moments I had such self-doubt I never thought I could make it.

But, I did. I realized that day how strong I was and that even alone, I could do anything I set my mind too.

This weekend it was tugging at my heart that I was missing this race (only the half-marathon). On this race course, a new part of me was born. So, race day morning I decided I was just going to start. I was going to cross the starting line even if I didn’t get to the finish line. So, I put on my BioFreeze, some KT tape and did all my stretches from my physical therapy exercises. I wanted to be a part of that race day energy! 

I started in the very back of the pack. The very end. I ran through the crowd and as soon as we turned the first corner, I stopped and walked. I watched the others with me in the back and wondered their story. Some were all KT taped up just like me, you could tell others were nursing injuries but we were still trying.

It was then I realized how insane and rare us long distance runners really are.

It was truly such a beautiful morning that even if I walked it all I was so grateful for being there. The sun was on our face for almost all the run & I was dressed in black from head to toe & missing many of my typical race day essentials. But, I was smiling.

This course is one of the hardest I have run. One reason being that it is a smaller race, so at times you feel like you are out there alone with no one to use for motivation or inspiration. Spectators are not lined along the course cheering you on or showcasing the great signs for you to read & get a laugh from. This makes it hard. The course alone is not an easy one, it feels like inclines are non-stop.

The hardest part? The part I still have nightmares about? The wooden bridges. I cannot even tell you how many we ran across but so many! Two years ago it rained causing these bridges to be incredibly slippery which made the pain in my knee/leg that much harder to put one foot in front of the other that day!

There were times I stopped & did the stretches my PT told me to do when I feel the pain. I walked many, many steps of it but as I went I found that the longer strides I seemed to take walking actually felt worse on the muscles & tendons. So, I did a “wog” {walk + jog}. I took the smallest baby steps forward while keeping my feet as close to the ground as possible so there was no hard or heavy foot striking. I moved forward slowly but I didn’t care. Speed did not matter; only direction did. Eventually the final wooden bridge arrived to take me back across the river to the finish line & I ran. I ran because a couple of years ago I would have never been willing to put myself out there knowing my race pace would be so slow; I would have been embarrassed by what others thought. I pushed hard to the finish because five years ago I said “Never,” and “I wish,” when talking about completing a half-marathon.Today, I stand here completing SIX half-marathons. It was also my slowest, but that does not take anything away from it; I’m damn proud I crossed at 2:58. Today, in addition to my six half-marathons, I have completed two 25k races & one full marathon. I was not gifted as a runner, not even a little bit. But what I was gifted with was courage, determination, guts, hard work ethic & the drive to preserve no matter what jumps in my path. Those gifts will take me anywhere I ever want to go.

Until Next Time~

…..well maybe a little. But, the good news, is that I can, in fact, be put back together again!

When I was seen at a specialists urgent care clinic last week, I was told I should find a new workout & quit running forever. In my temper tantrum moment, I wish I would have asked him if sitting on the couch doing 12 ounce arm curls was an acceptable program. He did not listen to the symptoms I was experiencing. I felt as if he walked in with a decision made & that was that. He told me I had shin splints or a stress fracture – “Stop running. Get some crutches. Find a new workout.”

My desire was to get my script for physical therapy so that I could go see my therapist who has worked on me since high school. Most recently was after my full-marathon two years ago for my knee. I trust his opinion & expertise & I really just wanted him to evaluate me.

Yesterday I met with him & found out we can put me back together again & I can, in fact, run. Basically, I am a total mess in my left side from my hip down to the ridiculously high arch my foot has. Like total mess mixed with some tendonitis of my peroneal. Nothing is working correctly or together from my hip to my toes.

Really, here is the deal. If I want to be a runner; if I want to continue doing long distance races, I am going to have to put in the extra work. I was not gifted with the ideal body for a runner; clearly with my short legs, solid frame. From there, feel free to add in the mile-high arches my feet have along with zero flexibility & the amount of issues my hips have always caused me.

But, guess what? I could care less. Growing up, I was a softball pitcher & knew I wanted to be a pitcher from the day I started tee-ball. Over the years, it was always noted, that I could be a much better pitcher if I had a “pitchers body.” In other words, I needed longer legs for a better stride, I needed longer arms for a better arm whip & I needed longer fingers for my grips.

I did not have any of that. But, what I had was this:

*Determination
*Dedication
*Passion
*Drive
*Perseverance
*Persistence
*Heart

I was completely committed to out working my competition. I made sure no one worked harder than me. What I lacked in some areas, I made up for in others. I was not the fastest pitcher in the area, but I was one of the best because of these characteristics. I had the edge because I had control; I could trick you & make you chase a crazy curve ball; I could force you to hit the ball right at my best fielder on the diamond for the easiest out.

I worked hard because I loved it. There was something about standing in the circle with the ball & having complete control over the game that made me feel alive. I loved facing that challenge of the next pitch & knowing that it could change the outcome of the game & it was in my hands.

A few years ago I learned to fall in love with running. I loved the feeling I had driving forward putting one foot in front of the other. I loved the challenges it gave me every single time I laced up. I loved how much I learned to fall in love with my body again, for everything it was & everything it wasn’t.

Running gave me back life. It brought passion back into my life; a fire was lit.

So, if I have to put forth extra work to still lace up & chase something I love, I will.  Because when it comes to running, I have the following characteristics that make up for what my body may lack from other runners:

*Determination
*Dedication
*Passion
*Drive
*Perseverance
*Persistence
*Heart

I am changing my game plan, I am changing the way I train. But, I will never give up on something I love that makes me feel alive.

Until Next Time~

It’s hump day again! The past seven days have been strange, honestly.

This week I have no picture to show. But, I can tell you the scale says I’m down two pounds.

How did that happen when I cannot workout?

Food. Nutrition. Meal planning. Trying new recipes & ideas.

Yoga.

So, here is the deal. I was so incredibly frustrated & heartbroken on Friday when I realized after again trying to run I no longer could. I will not fully admit the number of times I cried since then.

In my calf I have been experiencing a horrible pain a few minutes into a workout. It’s sort of on the side of it, towards the back. It has been bothering me for months, honestly. But, has increased greatly to where I can no longer push through the pain. Eventually it changes to a pain combined with numbing shooting up & down my leg. It alarms me a bit that even after having three weeks of pretty much complete rest with being sick, it did not heal even a little. Maybe forty-five minutes after a workout, I feel completely fine. Today I sit here wanting to go out for a run because I feel amazing, pain-free & no soreness! But, I know quickly after I would try, the pain would begin again.

{At this point, I am waiting for an evaluation with my physical therapist I have worked with for years. The doctor I saw at the clinic on Friday I am not sure I agree with him & truly felt he did not listen to anything I said or had been experiencing.}

I know it is extremely hard for some to understand why I was heartbroken. Many do not realize the feeling of having to drop out of the half-marathon & the full marathon you were working towards. Some people will never understand having to give up on big goals because they don’t set big, scary ones.

Then, there are those who love to tell me how bad running is on your body….I would like to point out that so is sitting on the couch! I know in my heart there were others happy to see me “fail.”

But, you see, I did not fail. I am doing what I promised myself from the beginning which was to listen to my body & not ignore it this time around. Besides, whatever might be ahead for me, I hope you know I always come back stronger & better than I was before.

To be honest, I cannot wait to see what lies ahead & the new challenges I will be able to take on!

Until Next Time~